im sorry

you were the first one to
notice
me
and all that was wrong.
i saw in you
what you saw in me
a familiar pain
a world of confusion
you held my hand while i cried
and i loved your sad eyes
and your crazy smile.
you read me a secret letter
and my heart broke
as you cried
i could see how torn you were
life was threatening to
knock you down
and i tried to hold you up
and failed.
everyone around me pulled me away
why did i let them?
i thought we would be better off
with our own demons to fight
i didn't want to drag you down
because you
always
came to my rescue.
every
time.
i thought you needed time
for you
but would we have been stronger
together?
i guess i'll never know
i left you high and dry
never to look back again.
except i do.
always.
i remember the time you
held my wrists
to stop me, yet again.
where would i be without you?
where would i be with you?
i wonder as i watch you
from afar
my old scars
holding me back
i'm sorry i don't have the courage
to tell you what you mean to me
i hope one day i will