im sorry

you were the first one to
notice
me
and all that was wrong.
i saw in you
what you saw in me
a familiar pain
a world of confusion
you held my hand while i cried
and i loved your sad eyes
and your crazy smile.
you read me a secret letter
and my heart broke
as you cried
i could see how torn you were
life was threatening to
knock you down
and i tried to hold you up
and failed.
everyone around me pulled me away
why did i let them?
i thought we would be better off
with our own demons to fight
i didn't want to drag you down
because you
always
came to my rescue.
every
time.
i thought you needed time
for you
but would we have been stronger
together?
i guess i'll never know
i left you high and dry
never to look back again.
except i do.
always.
i remember the time you
held my wrists
to stop me, yet again.
where would i be without you?
where would i be with you?
i wonder as i watch you
from afar
my old scars
holding me back
i'm sorry i don't have the courage
to tell you what you mean to me
i hope one day i will

"well i know when i am wrong but i sure as hell aint wrong this time"

we sit in the swirling smoke
inhale.
bonding over this
shared poison.


 ...


i am the dusk before the dawn
those few fading hours
where the line between night and day
is blurred.
i am the twilight, dark and alone
will i, too, fade away with the morning sun?


...


to ju

you, my friend
you understand
you feel as i do
but different.
you pull me up
and keep me grounded
your passion is contagious, your energy
oh how i admire it
you have the ability to see clearly
when i am cloudy at best
i wish to tell you such things
but i am so small
i press you in a hug and hope you feel
my respect, my love.
what would i do without you
my dearest friend?
i would lack a certain spring in my step


...


to mal

i love your mind
with it's dark corners and odd
angles
long passageways
i wish my fingers moved as yours
when you give life to emotions
and ideas.
i am so plain.
you sit with me, alone in the dark
you bring light to my days.
the contradiction that is life
yes, you understand.
you are above them
don't worry
you cannot be overlooked
you matter
and
you feel.
i am proud to call you friend